The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages

Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us.

Love languages come from a book by Gary Chapman, who describes five different ways that couples can express and experience love.

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The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages

According to Chapman, there are five love languages which are the vital keys that unlock the secrets of love that last.

They include Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages

Among all the five love languages stated by Chapman, your partner will surely possess one out of them all which will be his/her primary love language.

Although your partner’s love language may be more than one, you will still be able to determine his/her primary language.

The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages

In most cases, your love language might be different from your partner’s. But understanding the different types will help couples take the guesswork out of their partners’ expectations and needs.

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The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages

The key to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it are the joy and gladness of every couples. Here are the compilation of the Five love languages and how you can discover your love language and your partner’s own

1. Words Of Affirmation

 Words Of Affirmation Source: choose wisely
Words Of Affirmation Source: choose wisely

Feeling appreciated is one of our deepest human needs. So words of appreciation mean a lot to us. Word of affirmation, as one of the basic love languages, expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest words of affirmation can be the most effective.

 Words Of Affirmation Source: choose wisely
Words Of Affirmation Source: choose wisely

If your partner prefers receiving love via words of affirmation, then they really value hearing words like ‘I love you’;  ‘You look good!’; ‘That was a lovely meal!’; ‘That dress looks incredible on you’; ‘You always make me laugh’; ‘I love your hair today’; ‘I love your smile’ and many more.

 Words Of Affirmation Source: elitedaily.com
Words Of Affirmation Source: elitedaily.com

Word of affirmation is using words to build up the other person. For example, “thanks for
taking out the garbage.” Not – “It is about time you took the garbage out. The
flies were going to carry it out for you.” Negative or insulting comments cut especially deep, and aren’t easily forgiven.

 Words Of Affirmation Source: youtube
Words Of Affirmation Source: Youtube

“if a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your words will be like rain falling on a dry soil. Nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation,” Chapman said.

Word Of Affirmation Source: Pinterest
Word Of Affirmation Source: Pinterest

2. Acts Of Service

Acts Of Service Source: Pulse
Acts Of Service Source:Pulse

This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your spouse would like. For instance cooking a meal, doing the laundry, setting or clearing the table, making the bed, cleaning, getting the kids ready for school, picking up the groceries, maintaining the car are all acts of service. They require some thought, time, and effort, if all this are done with a positive spirit, they really are expressions of love.

Acts Of Service Source:Focus on the family.com
Acts Of Service Source:Focus on the family.com

Because if your spouse’s love language is acts of service, then actions really do speak louder than words.If you speak words of affirmation to this person such as “I love you” “I admire you” they will likely think and perhaps say, “”if you love me, why don’t you do something to help me around the house?

Acts Of Service Source: Daily life
Acts Of Service Source: Daily life

Maybe your wife likes working in the garden. She will definitely feel more loved if you help her occasionally. For people whose preferred love language is acts of service, lending a helping hand shows you really care.

Acts Of Service Source:Start Marriage Right
Acts Of Service Source:Start Marriage Right

People who prefer this language don’t cope well with broken promises or laziness. They have very little tolerance for people who make extra work for them. So if you are not willing to show your love for them by doing them a favour, they feel you are saying you don’t value them.

Acts Of Service Source: Daily life
Acts Of Service Source: Daily life
Acts Of Service Source: iwork4him
Acts Of Service Source: iwork4him

According to Gary Chapman in his book he said “if your partner primary love language is acts of service, then washing the car, mowing the grass, helping around the house is precisely what makes them feel loved. The key to loving this person is to find out what things they would like you to do. then so them consistently”

3. Receiving Gifts

Receiving Gifts Source: Yahoo Finance
Receiving Gifts Source: Yahoo Finance

For some people what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. The gift communicates “He was thinking about me.” Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift makes them feel appreciated and loved.

Receiving Gifts Source: girlschase.com
Receiving Gifts Source: girlschase.com

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.

Receiving Gifts Source: thoughtco
Receiving Gifts Source: thoughtco

So if your partner’s preferred love language is receiving gifts, meaningful and thoughtful presents are how they feel appreciated. It doesn’t matter how much they cost. What is important is that the gifts show that you remembered them.

Receiving Gifts Source: daily mail
Receiving Gifts Source: daily mail

What if you discover that your partner’s preferred love language is receiving gifts, but you are not a gift giver? Someone who hardly ever received gifts as a child, and never learned how to choose one? Then you and your spouse speak different love languages. Now you have a second language to learn! receiving gift is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

Receiving Gifts Source: faithfulman.com
Receiving Gifts Source: faithfulman.com

According to Gary Chapman n his book titled The five love language he said “The best gifts are those that you know will be appreciated. To give her a fishing rod when she does not enjoy fishing will probably not communicate your love very well. How do you find out what the other person would like to receive? You will ask questions and you make observations.”

Receiving Gifts Source: daily life
Receiving Gifts Source: daily life

4. Quality Time

Quality Time Source: Inspiring tips
Quality Time Source: Inspiring tips

Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention not just watching the same movie together. Quality time means being close, with no distractions. No television, no smartphones or any other distractions whatsoever, looking at each other and talking together. It means sitting on the sofa, just the two of you. Or taking a walk together, going out for a meal, or having a long and deep conversations.

Quality Time Source: Joy Because Grace
Quality Time Source: Joy Because Grace

Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, he or she simply wants you, being with him/her, and spending quality time.

Quality Time Source: Huffpost.com
Quality Time Source: Huffpost.com

Your undivided attention is hugely important to a partner who’s preferred love language is quality time. Focusing on them means they will feel satisfied, comforted and content in the relationship. Only half listening to them, distractions, or postponed dates are deeply resented and hurtful to your partner.

Quality Time Source: fiercemarriage.com
Quality Time Source: fiercemarriage.com

According to Gary Chapman  he said “couples who go to a restaurant and never talk to each other have not spoken the language of quality time. They have simply met their physical need for food. Quality time says ‘I’m doing this because i want to be with you.’ Whether you are planting a garden together or going on a camping trip, the ultimate purpose is to spend time with each other. For some people, nothing makes them feel more loved than quality time.”

Quality Time Source: cbn.com
Quality Time Source: cbn.com

5. Physical Touch

 Physical Touch Source: Elitedaily.com
Physical Touch Source: Elitedaily.com

Physical touch is a hugely important way of communicating emotional intimacy. Research indicates that babies, for example, who are held, stroked and kissed develop far better than those who are deprived of physical contact.

 Physical Touch Source: staff.co.nz
Physical Touch Source: staff.co.nz

Physical touch is also a powerful way of communicating love in a relationship. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating your love to your partner. When physical touch is your primary love language, you feel unloved without it. With it, you feel secure.

 Physical Touch Source: get old
Physical Touch Source: get old

What if you realize that your partner’s preferred love language is physical touch, but you didn’t grow up in a ‘touching family.’ Try sitting closer together as you watch TV. Touch your spouse as you walk through the room. Hug and kiss when you leave the house and again when you return.

 Physical Touch Source: avmedia.info
Physical Touch Source: avmedia.info

According to Gary Chapman, he said “Every culture  has appropriate and inappropriate touches between members of the opposite sex. Appropriate touch is loving. Inappropriate touch is demeaning. To the person whose  primary love language is physical touch, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.”

 Physical Touch Source: Mirror.co.uk
Physical Touch Source: Mirror.co.uk

How To Discover Your Love Language  

How To Find Your Love Language  
How To Find Your Love Language

Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often.

How To Find Your Love Language  Source:Youtube
How To Find Your Love Language  Source: Youtube

He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

Here are the three approaches to help you discover your own primary or most preferred love language.

1. Observe Your Own Behaviour

Observe Your Own Behaviour
Observe Your Own Behaviour

How do you typically express love and appreciation to other people? If you are always patting people on their back or giving them hugs, then your primary love language may be Physical Touch. If you freely give encouraging words to others, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language. If you are gift giver, then perhaps what you desire is Receiving Gifts.

If you enjoy having lunch or taking a walk with a friend, then quality time is probably your love language. If you are always looking for ways to help people, then Acts of Service may well be your love language.The language you speak is most likely the language you wish to receive.

2.  What Do You Complain About

 What Do You Complain About
What Do You Complain About

In any human relationship, what is your most common complaint?  If you complain that people don’t help you, then Acts of Service is likely your love language. If you say to a friend or your partner, “We don’t ever spend time together,”then you are requesting for quality time. If your partner goes on a business trip and you say “You didn’t bring anything?”you are revealing that Receiving gifts is your primary love language.

 What Do You Complain About
What Do You Complain About

If you say “I don’t think you would ever touch me if i didn’t initiate it,” you are saying Physical Touch is your love language. If you complain, “I don’t ever do anything right,” your compliant indicates that Words of Affirmation speak deeply to you. The complaints reveal what you most like to receive from other people or your partner.

3. What Do You Request Most Often 

What Do You Request Most Often
What Do You Request Most Often

If your partner is leaving on a business trip and you say, “Be sure and bring me a surprise,”you are indicating that Gifts are important to you. If you say, “Could we take a walk together this evening?” you are requesting Quality Time.

However, if you ask for a back rub most times, you are revealing that Physical Touch speaks deeply to you. If you often ask people to do things to help you, Acts of Service is likely your love language. When you ask “Did i do a good job?” you are requesting Words of Affirmation.

How To Find Your Love Language
How To Find Your Love Language

Observe how you most often express love and appreciation to others; list your complaints and requests, and you will likely be able to determine your own primary love language. It will be obvious that learning to speak a love language other than your own will take effort.

The person who did not grow up receiving words of affirmation may find it difficult to give them. The person who grew up in a family that was not “touchy-feely” will have to learn to speak the language of physical touch. The good news is that all of these languages can be learned and the more you speak them, the easier they become.