A new relationship brings with it a hope for good things and adds a bit of mystery that intrigues one to learn more.
Someone out there thinks you are funny, cute and smart. They respond to your texts at once and want to know all about your day, even the parts you think were boring.
Nothing they do is ever frustrating, or annoying, or downright weird. It all feels like you are in a montage of bliss.
However, as pee-inducing as a new relationship may be, you have to take it slowly and play by the ‘rules’ if you want to have a good relationship that can blossom over time into a ‘perfect one.’
After all, a new relationship, as exciting as it may be, is still fragile and breakable.
Connecting with someone romantically, emotionally, and physically can be really amazing. But many works go into building a good relationship.
Keeping your relationship in great shape definitely takes work. Talk to your partner about things that you think could be better. Be clear about what is bothering you not forgetting that good communication is a big part of solving problems and be respectful.
If you have trouble working through things on your own, you might consider getting help from someone outside your relationship. Sometimes talking with a counselor or therapist can help couples work through issues and improve their relationships.
Tips On How To Start Healthy Relationship
When we start looking for a long-time partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations such as how the person should look and behave; how the relationship should progress; and the roles each partner should play.
These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Here are the things you need to put into consideration if you want your new relationship to be great and long-lasting.
1. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vulnerable
When starting a relationship, it can be scary at first to think of opening up to someone or letting someone really get to know us on a more intimate level. Fears will naturally arise due to probably the pain of past hurts. We may experience these emotions in the form of anxiety or an instinct to hit the brakes.
We may even resort to old defenses that lead us to pull away from someone before they can get too close to us. The best thing we can do is be aware of these reactions. Notice when they arise, but stand firm in our determination to stay open and be vulnerable to what may happen next.
2. Good Communication
When you are in a new relationship, the bodily exploration may be the high point of every date that ends in a cozy corner or in one of your beds. But that doesn’t really help create a good relationship. Communication does.
Your partner may not be a mind reader; so talk to your partner about your feelings. Ask questions and listen to answers. If you are upset, say so. Don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up.
Talking through problems builds trust and makes your relationship stronger. Mind you, it is not all about how to deal with your problems, don’t forget to let them know when something they do makes you happy.
Try to sneak in a long conversation every now and then and learn about your likes, dislikes, interests and all. By doing these, you figure the romantic compatibility and also bring both of you closer on a level beyond sexual attraction.
3. Honesty And Truthfulness
Be truthful with each other about what you do, think, and feel. Honesty creates trust. Few things harm a relationship more than lies. You should know that mutual trust is a cornerstone of any relationship to survive. Trust doesn’t happen overnight; it develops over time as your connection with another person deepens.
However, if you are someone with trust issues, someone who had been betrayed, traumatised, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond, then you may find it impossible to trust others and find lasting love unless you meet with a counselor or a therapist.
4. Ask For What You Want
Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.
5. Be Open To Change
All relationships change over time. What you want from a relationship at the beginning may be very different from what you and your partner want a few months or years down the line. Accepting change in a healthy relationship should not only make you happier, but also make you a better person: kinder, more empathetic, and more generous.
6. Don’t Introduce Your Date To Your Friends Too Soon
When you are in a new relationship, you are still exploring each other and learning about each other. Don’t call your friends over when your new lover is with you or plans a group date just to show off your new catch. Though it is not a bad thing to do, overwhelming your new lover with too much information at once can seem like too much, too fast.
And if you do meet a friend when you are on a date, introduce your date by the name and don’t really get into details. Your friends should understand the relationship status.
7. Don’t Get Clingy
Because you are dating doesn’t mean you own each other. Yes, this is right. If you want to know how to have a good relationship from the beginning, learn to give each other space. Especially in a new relationship, you are only dating each other and don’t really need to know every little piece of information about each other. Right now, you are only a small part of each other’s lives, so don’t give yourself more importance than you deserve.
8. Accept Each Other’s Habits
When you newly fall in love with someone; you fall in love with a person who you find so unique, instead of trying to change the person (to meet your requirements), learn to adjust to their habits. By restricting a lover or trying to change someone at the very beginning, you risk the chance of losing that person forever.
Whether you are in love or otherwise, you can’t really change someone’s personality. If you find your new lover incompatible, end the relationship instead of suffering a nervous breakdown due to frustrations or insecurity.
9. Don’t Get Possessive
Possessiveness is never a good trait in a relationship. Possessiveness is a sign of insecurity and jealousy, and these are usually big red flags in any relationship – both new and old.
Even if you do feel jealous about, perhaps, your lover’s partying habits or the amount of time he or she spends with a group of friends, learn to hold it in. Signs of jealousy and insecurity, from the beginning, can end the relationship even before you know it.
10. Be Honest About Your Own Flaws And Shortcomings
Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be or the person people think you should be. By being honest about your own flaws and shortcomings should make your partner more attracted to you. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing.
11. Make Your Apology Count
It is well understood that apologizing is a good thing. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” only makes a real impact when you mean it.
Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt (intentionally or not) him or her, you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do. Remember, everybody makes mistakes.
12. Avoid Game Playing
It is way too easy to engage in common socially accepted forms of game-playing that have invaded the world of dating. These games tend to have rules like, “Don’t answer his text. Don’t let him think you are desperate” or “Don’t call her for at least three days. Make her think there are other people interested in you.”
Unfortunately, these games often lead to confusion, miscommunications and heightened insecurity. They cause us to deviate from the direct and honest communication that starting a relationship should involve. It is best to spend more time thinking about how to honestly express who we are and how we feel rather than worrying about how we appear.
13. Meet Frequently, But Not Too Often
When you are in a new relationship, you will want to spend every waking minute with your partner. It is well understandable, you are obviously excited. But you could be pushing it too far?
By meeting too often, you are suddenly changing the lives of two individuals who have fallen in love. It may feel great for the first month or so; but eventually, your other commitments may pile up and one of you may end up getting annoyed with the other for taking too much time.
Go out on dates once or twice a week, and it will keep the love and excitement on high for a long time. But if you are both ‘madly’ in love and can’t keep your hands off each other, then you are excused to meet each other more often, but with caution.
14. Do A Weekly Self Appraisal
It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things the coming week. Additionally, use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship.
15. Don’t Ask “How Was Your Day.”
At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check out of our lives and consequently, our relationships. We rely on the standard question, “How was your day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This does nothing to improve your connection and instead, can actually damage it because you are losing the opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.
Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the most challenging part of your day?” You will be amazed at the answers you will get, with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into your significant other.
16. Don’t Be Scared To Talk About Sex
Telling your partner what feels good and what you like and don’t like help you have better sex life. Never pressure your partner into doing something he or she don’t want to do. Consent is a must. Also, talk to your partner about how you are going to protect each other against STDs and unintended pregnancy. Practice safe sex.
17. Don’t Talk Too Much About Your Ex
Don’t talk too much about your ex so you don’t chase your new partner away with an impression that you haven’t truly got over your former lover. Don’t keep talking about him or her in your new relationship. When you do, you will be sending a signal to your partner that you still love your ex more than him/her.
18. Don’t Lavish Gifts On Them Too Much
Your new lover may be running in your mind all day, but that doesn’t mean you should go overboard and buy something for your lover every time you see something nice while shopping.
Save the spendings for later when the relationship has grown over a solid foundation. If you do want to express your love with gifts, then pick something small, personal and inexpensive at first.
19. Don’t Compare
One imperative thing at the start of every new relationship is to leave your past relationships behind. This new person is not your ex and this is a good thing to start with. Although comparing your partner to your ex can be done consciously or unconsciously, it is advisable you stop it because the outcome is never good. Always start fresh with whomsoever you are with.
20. Do The Things You Did The First Year You Were Dating
As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort we once made toward our mate. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down all the things you used to do for your partner. Now, start doing them again.
Most young lovers rush into a new romance and want to know everything it has to offer within the first few days. But entering a new relationship isn’t like tearing the wrapper of your Christmas present. You have to take your time to open the layers.
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.
Communication is a complicated thing and misunderstanding happens in all communication. The important thing to do in relationships is to learn to address misunderstanding and move through it constructively rather than to avoid it.